he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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