I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
