My balls are so social today.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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