3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
