I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
