i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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