Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
