thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
