Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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