miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
