I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
