i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
is that a dick in a sweater?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
