My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
My vagina just clenched in fear
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