Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
