Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
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She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
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Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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