I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
