I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
