im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
