We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
