I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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