"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
