I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
