Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
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