i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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