What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
