Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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