All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
