I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
