Too much gin, very little bucket
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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