3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
