just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
