im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
