Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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