Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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