where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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