I murdered the dance floor call the cops
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
