just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
