I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Randomize
