I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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