Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
