Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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