Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Randomize
