I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
