There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize