Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
