Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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