just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
