My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
