chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
