Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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