Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
