Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
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The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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