its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
