i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
