Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
