You made me cry and you don't even care
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
