Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Your dad touched me again.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Just cropdusted the office
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
