Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
