Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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