bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
