I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
