how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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