Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
