I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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