do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
