so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
