I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
