hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
