"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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