Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
