What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
