Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
