when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
