i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
