No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
