I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
