I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
