Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i dont even know how to be here
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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