i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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