Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
