Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize