respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
