my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
