I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
as a side note pls kill me
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
