I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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