We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
